Love is a Joke
by HarleyHahaQuinn
Summary: Harleen Quinzel may be a Doctor, but that doesn't mean she's sane. Is her obsessive love with the Joker strong enough to make her give up the life she once knew? If so, does The Joker love her- or is it "all part of the plan."? HaHAhaHA. M for a reason.
1. Prologue

**Love is a Joke**

Harley Quinn x The Joker

_HarleyHahaQuinn_

She closed the bathroom door behind her. No one was there; John had gone out for a night in the city. This was the time Harleen Quinzel lived for. While no one was home, she was free to show just how troubled she really was.

On the surface, Harleen was beautiful. Her platinum blonde hair and startling blue eyes complimented her perfect body shape. The thing about most beautiful people though-they're ugly on the inside.

Ms. Quinzel, one of the most recognized and capable psychologists at Arkham Asylum, was a cutter. Not because of depression or a troubled childhood, but honestly just because she loved the feeling of blood rushing down her pale skin. She liked to indulge herself in fantasies of pain and chaos. Now that her boyfriend was gone, she was free to slip into her guilty pleasure.

She placed a razor on the bathroom sink, the blade gleaming with its vicious sparkle. She then laid a bandage along side it and set some alcohol beside that. A grin of anticipation planted itself on her beautiful, dark lips as she picked up the sharp metal. She then began her artistry.

Harleen placed the blade first on her left wrist; she cut into the scarred skin that was already there-narrowly and expertly missing the veins beneath her skin. As she was about to begin on her almost gruesome thighs-those scars were long and embedded- her cell phone rang.

Damn it. She saw Arkham on the ID, "Hello, this is . How-"

She was interrupted, "He's here."

"Who? My new patient?"

"The Joker."

Harleen dropped the razor, badaged her cuts, and ran for the door after grabbing her car keys.

Ms. Quinzel sped down the streets of Gotham, her heart pounding. The only reason she would be notified about this sinister individual's arrival would be if she were going to be assigned as his doctor. Oh, joy.

**Much, much more to type from my notebook. Hope you wait for it.**

(:

_Xox0,  
Harley 3 _


	2. Chapter 1 Well, Hello, Beautiful

**Love is a Joke**

Harley Quinn x The Joker

_HarleyHahaQuinn_

When she reached Arkham, she parked her red Lexus in the spot designated for "Doctor Harleen Quinzel." She walked across the lot to a rusted, iron gate. Harleen showed her ID to the security guard, and he opened the gate that held within its might Gotham's most dangerous and insane criminal minds. Harleen walked along to the door of the Asylum that was about half a mile from the gate- the property was massive. At one time, this eerie place was home to some of the few wealthy Gotham families. When they passed on, it was donated to the city, and, from there, turned into its former state.

When the woman reached the glass doors of the Asylum, she swiped her identification card through the scanner on the wall of the building, beside the door.

_Buzz!_

The door opened and Miss Quinzel gripped her purse tighter as she walked the halls to the ward of the mental hospital where new patients were sent.

"Ah, Harleen! There you are," her boss shot her a nervous look, "Say hello to your new patient." There was what seemed like a long pause and the older doctor stepped aside to reveal a glass cell behind which the Joker sat, permanently smiling. His gaze was focused on the floor, but when his head rose, a smaller smile seemed to form inside his larger, grotesque one.

"Well, hello, beautiful... All the patients in here said you were a slice, but I say you're the whole pie!" The Joker was the only one laughing at his comment. His face was the only one not plastered by fear. "You really are beautiful you know, Doc. Not a fan of fakes though," he continued, pointing at the dark roots of Harleen's hair. Miss Quinzel flushed.

"Hello there," she managed to get out in her most professional-sounding voice. "I'm Doctor Harleen Quinzel. Welcome to Arkham, Mr... Well, Mr. Joker."

"Harleen Quinzel," he seemed to like that. "I'll bet the kids at school used to love you for that one, _Harlequin_." Harleen flushed yet again.

She took a few moments to take in the sight of the madman on whose watch so much blood had been spilled. You would expect that when you know that about someone, they would be a hideous sight to behold. As her eyes began to wander over that poorly painted face, those intense, dark eyes, and those heavily painted scars, Harleen thought he looked almost-

"Yes, they really had a fun time giving me a hard time," Harleen replied. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Her superior nodded in fearful conformation.

"Looking forward to it, Miss Harlequin," the Joker replied followed by a series of chilling laughs as Harleen turned her back to him, heading home.

When she got home, she pulled up her skirt and resumed working on her thighs. When she was finished, she hopped in the shower watching the crimson-colored water flow down the drain hypnotically. She finished the shower rather quickly and stared at her reflection in the mirror,"You can't really tell it's fake."

"Harls! I'm home," John called,

"I'm in the shower," she replied.

"Hmm. Can I join you?"

"NO!" she shouted in a panicked voice. "I'm bleeding. I cut myself," she paused, "shaving."

John laughed,"You scared me there for a second." Harleen bandaged up her wounds and excited the bathroom in a towel. "I thought you were taking a shower."

"Oh, did I say that? I meant I was getting out."

John sighed, "Damn. You got me all excited."

Harleen chuckled, walking closer to her lover, wrapping her arms around his waist, "Sorry babe, I'm just a little shaken. I got a new patient today." She flashed back to that haunted, handsome, grinning face.

John seemed on the verge of laughing again, "It can't be that bad. Who is it?"

Harleen whispered softly as if she was dreaming of him that very moment, "The Joker."

John seemed to be in a state of shock, "Hun.. you-the can't really make you his doctor, right?"

"I want to be."

"WHAT?! It's dangerous! He's a mass murderer.," John responded.

"You weren't opposed when I treated Pamela Isley... or Harvey Dent... and what about Johnathon Crane? All murderers, but you didn't have a problem with them," she argued.

John sighed in defeat, "I know, but.... He's a thousand times more dangerous than all of them. I don't want that psychopathic clown anywhere near-," he was interrupted when the platinum blonde clashed her lips with his, kissing him deeply, trying to silence his fears. He reluctantly pushed her back only slightly to beg, "Please ask someone else to be his doctor, Harls."

"He's not going to steal me away from you," she replied playfully. He wasn't laughing. Harleen sighed against John's lips, "he is one of the most interesting cases I'll ever see in my career. Treating the Joker may make me well-known enough to be offered more jobs so we can get out of this city."

"What if he gets inside your head and warps the girl I love?"

Harleen smirked lightly, "He can probably get inside my mind, but your the only one who can get into other places."

He said, annoyance evident in his voice as he clasped her hips, "Probably. Or not." She playfully slapped him, "Really, Harls, if you let that psycho clown get within five feet of you, I'll kill him." Harleen burst out laughing at this. She thought the idea of him even attempting that was- for lack of a better word- stupid. She thought again of the strangely handsome figure that was the Joker. Like she would ever like him.

Never...

**Much, much more to type from my notebook. Hope you wait for it.**

(:

_Xox0,  
Harley 3 _


End file.
